I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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