I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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