Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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