I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Randomize