What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize