so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
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He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
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