I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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