you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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