I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize