Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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