WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize