A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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