she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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