Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize