I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The best revenge is premature balding
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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