well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Someone signed my nipple.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize