Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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