Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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