When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
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I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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