just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
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I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
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I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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