This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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