Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize