so explain again why im purple
no
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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