cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize