I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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