Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize