why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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