it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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