remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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