and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm at about main and main street
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
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