glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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