??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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