my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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