Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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