I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize