So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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