Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
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When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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