I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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