NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
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I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
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Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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