Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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