I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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