My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize