Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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