She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize