My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize