bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize