she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
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In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
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The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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