we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
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He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
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You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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