Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.

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  (978): I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it. http://tfl.nu/p2ch
  Replies (4) Good night (2588) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.

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  (402): i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction. http://tfl.nu/maqc
  Replies (31) Good night (5085) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.

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  (937): I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something. http://tfl.nu/k1os
  Replies (22) Good night (514) Bad night (5115) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.

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  (678): all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night. http://tfl.nu/k3dk
  Replies (15) Good night (711) Bad night (2938) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign

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  (856): I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign http://tfl.nu/u6cw
  Replies (9) Good night (3015) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."

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  (440): New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron." http://tfl.nu/0r6l
  Replies (26) Good night (5921) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.

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  (709): I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea. http://tfl.nu/at1w
  Replies (16) Good night (1030) Bad night (2697) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers

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  (724): Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers http://tfl.nu/1uct
  Replies (27) Good night (7473) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.

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  (334): Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its. http://tfl.nu/ucnl
  Replies (11) Good night (1414) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.

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  (717): Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error. (1-717): Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening. http://tfl.nu/753x
  Replies (8) Good night (2248) Bad night (452)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...

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  (+44): The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off... http://tfl.nu/dj4h
  Replies (2) Good night (1183) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.

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  (704): She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast. http://tfl.nu/wpj9
  Replies (4) Good night (1559) Bad night (449)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  As weird as it sounds I would totally be down

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  (847): Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks. (630): As weird as it sounds I would totally be down http://tfl.nu/3ahb
  Replies (8) Good night (996) Bad night (457)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.

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  (573): I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner. http://tfl.nu/bcl8
  Replies (5) Good night (1224) Bad night (295)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.

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  (727): I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade. http://tfl.nu/63zw
  Replies (2) Good night (673) Bad night (144) Order T-Shirt

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