Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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